Organization XIII Wimpout!
by Juicy Pear
Summary: The members of Organization XIII are given a training exercise that involves competing on the hit reality TV show: Wimpout! No, not Wipeout. Why would Saïx send them on Wipeout...?
1. The Qualifier

**This story will be much easier to follow (and funnier) if you've ever seen the show, **_**Wipeout**_**. If you haven't, read it anyway and review letting me know how you liked it and if it still communicated well without prior knowledge of the show! :)**

**Enjoy!**

"Hello and welcome to Wimpout! I am your host Ron Schmanderson here with my co-host Ron Schmenson," the smartly dressed moogle in glasses said into the mike while indicating the scruffy-looking moogle beside him in the announcer's box.

The scruffy moogle said, "Today we're having a very special episode of Wimpout because today we are joined by the members of Organization XIII!"

"Yes, the members will be competing in teams of two for fifty thousand munny in our three rounds of Wimpout. The teams that get the best time in each round will move on and eventually get to compete head to head in the Wimpout Zone for the cash!"

"But first, the Qualifier!"

"Yes, Ron. The Qualifier has a set of three different obstacles for the members to run through. First, they have to race from the starting platform to the Face-Punching Wall..." The wall the two moogles indicated was poised over a narrow ledge overlooking a mud pit. The wall was dotted with holes behind which boxing gloves punched out sporadically.

"Ouch," moogle Schmenson commented.

"Then they have to climb up those stairs and attempt to run across the Sizeable Spheres…" Here they indicated a row of four blue balls held up by poles over a pool of water. There was a platform with stairs leading up to it on one end, and a platform leading to next obstacle on the other.

"Those spheres mean business, Ronny!"

"And finally, the members have to pass through the Slippedy Swing and land on that platform to stop the clock." The platform that ran from the end of the last obstacle led to this one where the contestants would have to jump from the end of the platform to a large platform covered in soap and swinging over another pool of water. Then they would have to land on another platform (indicating the finishing point) on the other side.

"If they wimp out, they will have to swim to the other finishing platform to stop the clock." Here they indicated a red X by the pool's edge. "Remember, Ronny, it takes both of the members in a team to stop the clock. Just one at the finish platform won't cut it."

"That's right. Now, our co-host Lil Schmagner is down with the organization members now. Lil?"

A new moogle, wearing a sweater and a brown wig, floated beside Xigbar and Xaldin out on the field. She spoke into a mike, "Thanks, Rons. Alright, today I'm here with two of the senior members of Organization XIII. Tell us about yourselves." She held out the mike.

"Well," Xigbar began, "I'm Xigbar, number two of the organization."

"Uh-huh, and you are?" Lil held the mike out to Xaldin.

"Xaldin."

"Awesome! Now, tell us why did you two choose to enter this competition today? And what is your relationship to each other?"

"Well, we didn't exactly _choose_ to come here. This was sort of a training mission assigned to us by Saïx. Oh, and we're just coworkers. The teams were assigned," Xigbar explained.

"Okay! And who is Saïx? Is he your boss?"

Xigbar answered yes at the same time Xaldin answered no.

"Awesome! Now go hit the Qualifier!"

* * *

Xigbar and Xaldin raced through the Qualifier, pushing and elbowing each other as they tried to both go first. Xaldin won the elbow fight, but that only made him the first to wimp out at the Face-Punching Wall when he was caught off guard by a punch to his stomach. He managed to stay on the ledge, though his balance was thrown and he was doubled over in pain, but the next punch he received to his face threw him off the edge and into the mud pit.

"Oh!" Both Rons laughed at the footage from the announcer's box.

"That looked like it hurt, Ronny," Schmenson joked.

"And The Whirlwind Lancer is down!"

Xigbar was up next. He received a blow to the groin before toppling off the wall and landing on Xaldin.

"Ooh! Let's see that again, Ronny!"

The moogles replayed the footage while laughing. They then skipped ahead to show a brief clip of Xigbar wimping out on the Sizeable Spheres and Xaldin slipping off the Slippedy Swing. That was when Xigbar cheated and teleported to the finish platform, disqualifying them both. Xaldin pushed Xigbar into the pool and stalked off.

"Alright then! Next team! Lil?"

"Yes, I'm here with Lexaeus and Vexen. Tell me, what will you do with the munny if you win?" The moogle held out the mike to Lexaeus, but Vexen redirected it by pulling it towards himself.

He explained, "Lexaeus doesn't like to talk very much. However, _I_ do."

"Excellent! So what would you do with the fifty thousand munny?"

"I would buy more lab equipment for my experiments! You see, there's this particular member of the organization I've been trying to kill off for a while now-"

"Terrific! Now let's see you guys run the Qualifier!"

* * *

Vexen went first, yelping in terror before he even got to the Face-Punching Wall. When he did make it to the wall, he waded through the mud pit to the other side of the obstacle, deciding against risking any injury. Lexaeus went next and simply punched all the boxing gloves back before they could hit him. He reached the other side spotless and calmly walked after the scrambling Vexen.

"Wow, Ronny! Look at him go!"

"Amazing, Ron!"

"I think I'm in love!"

"Now's not the time or place, Ron."

"Of course…"

They had reached the next obstacle. There was a clip of Vexen trying to ice the water so he wouldn't have to swim if he fell off the Sizeable Spheres, but then when he jumped onto the first ball and bounced off it backwards he ended up landing face first on the ice.

"Oh!" Both Rons laughed.

"Ouch!"

Next Lexaeus was up. He merely glanced at the new obstacle then took five powerful strides to cross the spheres and safely reach the other side.

"I've never seen anything like it!"

"Me either, Ronny!"

The last clip of the pair was of Vexen running and sliding onto the Slippedy Swing before falling onto his back and skidding off. Lexaeus was able to jump onto the podium and steady himself by his grip on the bars that held the swing up. He was quickly off of the podium and onto the finish platform before Vexen even had the chance to reach his own.

"Would you look at that time, Ronny? That's amazing!"

"I know, Ron! It took the two of them only four minutes and thirty-eight seconds to complete the course! That's good even for a single person!"

"Looks like they'll be moving on to the next round!"

"Ah, not so fast, Ron. We still have four more pairs waiting to go."

"Oh, that's right."

"Lil is currently with our next contestants. Lil?"

"Alright guys, I'm here with Zexion and Axel. Tell me, what would you two do with the munny if you won?"

Zexion answered first, "I would probably let Axel have it. I do not have the same need for the munny as he as I manage my own, sufficiently successful blog. You can take an excursion to my page if you would like. The URL is ww-"

"Terrific! So what do you want to do with the munny?" Moogle Lil held out the mike to Axel.

Axel shrugged. He was leaning against the backdrop with his arms crossed over his chest. "I don't know. Maybe bribe Saïx into giving me a vacation?"

"Sounds awesome! Alright, got on out there and run that Qualifier!"

* * *

Axel was the first one to the Face-Punching Wall when the horn sounded. He immediately stepped onto the ledge and tried to skirt his way across to the other side with his back to the wall.

"Ah, look at that strategy there, Ron!"

"I guess now it's the Butt-Punching Wall isn't it, Ronny?"

"Don't make jokes anymore…"

Axel was doing fine up until the moment when a boxing glove got him in the small of his back. He tipped forward, but managed to catch himself by grabbing onto the glove which immediately began trying to shake him off. Axel was stuck jerking back and forth until he finally let go and fell face-first into the mud pit.

"Oh!"

"There goes that method."

Zexion was next. He stood and stared at the boxing gloves for a while, letting the timer tick away…

"What is he doing, Ronny? Doesn't he know he's being timed?"

"I don't know, but his partner sure does."

"What are you doing?! Hurry up," A very muddy Axel shouted from where he waited at the next obstacle.

Zexion took a moment more, their time already at two minutes and fifteen seconds, before he went for it. He jumped onto the ledge and did a series of hurried shimmies and stops until he was wacked into the mud pit by a blow to the head.

Both Rons laughed.

"I think he was trying to discover a pattern in the glove's movements."

"It's a good thing this show is pattern-free! Those obstacles are completely randomized!"

The scene then skipped to footage of Zexion almost making it across the Sizeable Spheres before slipping and flipping forward of the fourth ball.

"Oh! Replay!"

After several replays, there was a clip of Axel actually managing to stay on the Slippedy Swing, but when it came time for him to jump he ended up falling short by only a few inches.

"Aw!"

"Back to the water for you!"

The team ended with a combined time of nine minutes and two seconds. Zexion looked even droopier than normal.

"Not a very good time, Ronny."

"No indeed. They're going to have to get _real_ lucky if they want to move on to the next round."

"Speaking of luck, Lil's down there with our next team. Lil?"

Lil was already speaking with Demyx and Luxord when the attention was shifted to her. "So let me get this straight," Lil said, "You're both gamblers?"

"No, he's the gambler. I rock." Demyx whipped his sitar out from nowhere and began playing Hikaru Utada's Simple and Clean.

Lil immediately pulled the mike back from Demyx and directed it at Luxord. "Alrighty! So I take it that if you won today you would use the munny to gamble?"

Luxord answered, "What is life if not a gamble? It is all one great game, and no purchase could I make that would be anything but a gamble. Do you not agree?"

"Terrific!"

"You didn't answer my question."

* * *

The air horn sounded and Demyx dashed enthusiastically out onto the field. He jumped onto the ledge of the Face-Punching Wall and was immediately punched off and into the mud pit. He was up quickly though and continued running forward as Luxord attempted the wall next.

"Look at the energy that one has, Ronny!"

Luxord was up next and he actually barely managed to make it past the Face-Punching Wall without being knocked into the mud by jumping as far as he could right as he was about to be pushed in. He ran to catch up with Demyx who had been jumping excitedly up and down while waiting for Luxord to hurry up.

Demyx ran at the Sizeable Spheres. He bounced off of the first one and was propelled forward onto the third where he clung for dear life as he began to slip off. "Dance water dance!" Demyx screamed as he plummeted into the water. By the time Luxord had wimped out as well and reached the third obstacle, Demyx was starting to look a little sluggish.

"Is it just me, Ronny, or does The Melodious Nocturne look a little out of it?"

"Oh he's out of it alright. Let's see how he gets through this next obstacle."

Luxord caught up to Demyx who was sitting at the edge of the platform in front of the Slippedy Swing. Luxord nudged him with his boot to keep going. "Go," Luxord commanded.

Demyx looked up. His hair was a mess and he was slumped forward tiredly. "I don't wanna!" Demyx continued to whine in his laziness until Luxord rolled his eyes and pushed him off the platform into the water.

"Ooh!"

"Harsh, Ronny!"

Together they finished with a time of zero minutes and four seconds.

"Wait, how is this possible Ronny?"

"I believe we have been hacked."

"Oh, I did not realize it was against the rules to reverse time to get a better score," Luxord stated.

"Disqualified!"

"He's outta here!"

"With those two out of the game, that leaves us with only two teams left."

"Oh I can't wait to see this next group! Lil?"

"Hello, ladies! It's a little refreshing to see a couple of girls in this game after all those guys. I was starting to wonder if this organization was a no-girls-allowed sort of thing."

"Excuse me?! I happen to be a man," Marluxia said, extremely offended. **(+1)**

"Oh! I'm so sorry I didn't realize. I think it was maybe you're hair…?"

Marluxia threw his nose dramatically into the air like a stuck-up cartoon character from the nineties and gave a slight, "Humph!"

"… Alright then. Why don't we watch you hit the course…?"

* * *

Larxene was the first to attack the Face-Punching Wall. For every hit she received, there was another kunai added to a boxing glove. It was a lot of hits. When she eventually could not keep her grip anymore and landed in the mud pit, she screamed in outrage.

"Yikes!"

"I would hate to be on her bad side, Ron."

"I feel like I already am!"

When Marluxia attempted the same obstacle he was immediately hit in the face. He let go of the wall to cover his nose and shout, "My beautiful face!" This landed him in the mud pit which drew his attention from his looks to his attire. "Oh! My cloak!" Marluxia flapped about helplessly in the mud, trying to get out while staying as clean as possible, but only managing to make things worse. **(+2)**

"Hurry up!" Larxene was furious and waiting impatiently at the next obstacle.

"Oh…" Marluxia shut his eyes and waded through the mud to the other side where he eventually met up with Larxene. "My cloak…"

"You've got like, a thousand more at home. Stop being such a diva!" **(+1)**

Larxene raced through the next obstacle the same way she did the first: in complete and total rage. She attacked the Sizeable Spheres with her nails since she seemed to be out of kunai. Fortunately, her nails weren't sharp enough to pierce the spheres, but they were sharp enough to hang on with. Larxene got across the spheres to the other side and yelled at Marluxia to follow.

He did. He jumped onto the first sphere and leaped for the second, but overshot it and bounced backwards of the third and into the second then back to the third then into the water. **(+4)**

"Ron, what are all these strange numbers that keep flashing onto the screen?"

"Oh, we've been asked to keep track of how many times The Graceful Assassin fails on this show."

"Ah. What for?"

"Our sponsor requested it. Actually, let's hear a quick word from our sponsors!"

"Ugh, I hate commercials…"

"Still on camera, Ronny!"

* * *

Buy Juicy Pear Shampoo… it's Magically Delicious!

Oh, and read the Daily Life of Organization XIII. That is also Magically Delicious.

Mmm… Magical

* * *

"…That was the strangest commercial I've ever seen."

"Indeed, Ronny. Indeed."

Larxene ran and jumped for the final obstacle, whipping out one more kunai.

"Whoa, Ronny! She had one more!"

"I certainly didn't see that coming!"

Larxene fell short of the Slippedy Slide, but managed to pull herself up onto it by stabbing into the platform and using the kunai to support herself. As soon as she stood on the platform; however, she slipped and fell right off into the water. She howled angrily and began cursing the show and hosts.

"Hey! That is uncalled for!"

"It's okay, Ron. It's okay."

"But she insulted my mamma!"

"Shh. there, there."

Marluxia went next. He jumped out and landed on his belly in the midst of all the soap on the Slippedy Slide. The slide tilted before he could get to his feet and he plummeted into the water with a loud, girlish scream. **(+1)**

The team finished with a time of six minutes no seconds. Larxene punched Marluxia as soon as he joined her on the finish platform, squeezing a final **(+1)** out of him before stomping off to kill someone.

"She scares me, Ronny."

"Yes, she does. Up next is our final team. Tell us about them Lil!"

"So you two are the youngest members of the organization?"

Lil held the mike out to Xion who nodded and said, "I'm Xion."

"I'm Roxas," Roxas said when the mike was moved over to him.

"And I'm Axel!"

Xion pushed Axel out of the shot, whispering harshly, "And this is not _The Daily Life of Organization XIII_! Get out of here!"

Lil smiled and said into the mike, "Faaantastic!"

* * *

Roxas took to the obstacle first and ran through across the narrow ledge as fast as he could without stopping. He avoided every hit by doing so and when he got too wobbly and was about to fall into the mud pit, he leaped off and made it past the obstacle, grinning.

Xion went next and tried to follow Roxas's example, but was hit in the side and fell into the pit. Roxas leaned down and pulled her out faster than she could wade through the mud and together they moved on to the next obstacle.

"Hey… look at that teamwork, Ronnie!"

"Why did the spelling in my name change?"

Roxas jumped onto the Sizeable Spheres when they reached them, but landed weird and ended up sitting down on the first ball before slipping off and landing in the water. Xion didn't even attempt the challenge and dove in after Roxas. They both got to the Slippidy Slide at the same time.

"Aw! Aren't they adorable?"

"You know what's adorable? That time! They're doing great!"

Roxas jumped onto the Sippedy Slide and purposefully slid to the end of the platform where he pushed off towards the finishing platform. He missed, but was able to grab on to the bottom of the platform and pull himself up pretty quickly. Once he made it, Xion jumped onto the Slippedy Slide and jumped for the finishing platform like Roxas had, but when she missed as well Roxas grabbed her by her wrists and pulled her up beside him.

"Are they allowed to do that?"

"I don't see why not."

Together they received a time of four minutes and forty-three seconds.

"Hey, that's almost as good as that other team's time!"

"It's amazing what you can accomplish with teamwork."

"Alright, Ronny, who's moving on?"

"Well, thanks to our two disqualifications, we have all four remaining teams moving on!"

"A little convenient, don't you think?"

"Who cares? That means Lexaeus: The Silent Hero, Vexen: The Chilly Academic, Zexion: The Cloaked Schemer, Axel: The Flurry of Dancing Flames, Marluxia: The Graceful Assassin, Larxene: The Savage Nymph, Roxas: The Key of Destiny and Xion: the…uh…the… Xion: Number Fourteen, are all moving on!"

"Awesome! Tune in next week to find out who will move on and get to chance to compete in The Wimpout Zone!

**… Yes, I really did write this though I'm struggling to remember why…**

**Oh well! I hope you enjoyed chapter one of this ridiculous fanfiction! If you liked it, check out my other story about the organization members, **_**The Daily Life of Organization XIII**_**. Also, be sure to leave a review!**


	2. The Dusk-Maker

**Wow! Thank you guys for all your amazing reviews! Every single one of them brought a Gummi Ship-Sora smile to my face. :)**

"And we're back with Wimpout! I'm your host, Ron Schmanderson," Moogle Schmanderson said.

"And I'm Ron Schmenson!" Moogle Schmenson said.

"Today we're watching the eight remaining members, or rather, four remaining teams of Organization XIII members, compete for the opportunity to move on to the Wimpout zone, from which they will be competing for fifty thousand munny."

"That's right, Ronny! And all it takes to move on from this round is getting to the other side of the Dusk-Maker!"

The Dusk-Maker popped into view. It was a large fan-like structure supported over a pool by a single massive support beam. The "blades" of the fan were simply revolving balance beams, three of which were marked in green and one in red. Over these spun another round of beams in the opposite direction. They were designed with the intention of knocking off anyone who attempted to cross the balance beams below.

To the left of this massive structure stood a curved platform with all the participants lined up on it with equal access to the beams. A ladder led up out of the pool water back onto the platform for any contestant who wimped out. On the other side of the Dusk-Maker were three exit points which all led down to where Lil Schmagner waited with her microphone. The first exit point was a sort of swing, the second was an unstable platform that periodically tilted over from horizontal to vertical, and the last was a large spinning ball.

"Ah, but that's not all that's required, Ron. Only the first two teams to cross the Dusk-Maker get to move on. And in order to cross it, these teams will have to follow a specific set of rules."

"Yes, I almost forgot, Ronny! The contestants will have to enter the Dusk-Maker by one of the green balance beams, and in order to exit, the contestants will have to leave by the red."

"That's right, Ron!" At this, a loud air horn sounded. "And they're off!"

Lexaeus, Zexion, and Xion hung back while Vexen, Axel, Marluxia, Larxene, and Roxas all rushed to get to the beams first. Larxene got to a green beam fairly easily since most of the other contestants were intimidated by the fresh set of kunai she was brandishing. She only had to deal with Vexen who tried to follow her onto the same beam. She did so by dislodging him with a heeled boot to the face, causing him to fall off the beam into the pool below.

"Oh!"

"Ow! That looked painful, Ronny!"

"Remind me never to mess with a girl in heels… or one with knives!"

Larxene sat comfortably on her beam, laughing and pointing at the soaked Vexen, when one of the beams from the higher set came up behind her and knocked her off into the water after him.

"Ha!"

"She didn't see that one coming."

Larxene huffed in frustration and slapped at the water before swimming over to the ladder to try again.

At the same time this was happening, Axel and Roxas were both scrambling to get to the same beam. Axel tried to push Roxas back by the head which provoked Roxas to duck and kick in the back of Axel's knees, making him fall forward and topple off the platform.

Roxas laughed and took the beam. He quickly ran across it and claimed the center of the Dusk-Maker, making it easy to step over all the top beams since he only needed to sit down and spin with them. He spun until he was lined up with the red beam.

Meanwhile, Marluxia was skittishly half-hopping at the passing beams, but too scared to actually step off the platform and onto any of them **(+1)**. It wasn't until Larxene had gotten back up out of the water did he really go anywhere.

"Move it you moron!" Larxene came up behind Marluxia and shoved him forward. In his surprise he failed to grab onto the beam nearest him and flailed all the way into the water. **(+1)**

"Ooh!" Both hosts laughed.

"Wimped out by his own partner!"

Axel made it back up to the platform at the same time that Larxene decided to go. The both pushed and elbowed at each other while Xion crouched down and squeezed between them. She made it to a green beam among shouts of anger by Axel and Larxene. She ignored them and pressed herself low on the beam to squeeze beneath any overpassing ones and made it to the center with Roxas by inching to it.

"Hey! We've got a whole team in the middle! The rest of them better pick up the pace!"

"I think they're realizing that, Ron…"

Lexaeus started to move. He pushed both the fighting Axel and Larxene out of his way and stepped onto the beam, causing them both to fall: Axel on his rump and Larxene back into the water. Lexaeus walked to the center at an even pace, stepping over the two beams that tried to undo his footing with all the ease and grace of a moogle playing limbo. However, when he reached the center, he didn't stop. Lexaeus kept walking, this time on the red beam until he reached the tilting-table exit. He jumped onto and off of it before it had the chance to tilt, making him the first contestant to reach the other side.

"Awesome," Lil Schmagner said into her mike, "But as you know, Lexy, can I call you Lexy?"

Lexaeus said nothing.

"Great! As you know, Lexy, you still need your partner to make it to the other side in order for you both to move on. How confident do you feel in your partner's abilities to make it across the Dusk-Maker?"

Lexaeus said nothing.

"Fantastic!"

Vexen seemed to be encouraged by Lexaeus making it to the other side because he decided to give the Dusk-Maker another go. He got onto a green beam and was closely followed by Axel. They both managed to make it to the middle just as Roxas took off down the red beam.

"You can do it, Roxas!" Xion cheered from her spot.

Roxas got to the end of the red beam and hopped over another one just as the exit obstacles were coming up. He jumped for the swing and made it without falling.

"It looks like The Key of Destiny is going to make it, Ronny!"

Roxas swung a little, trying to get closer to the exit platform before jumping for it. Unfortunately, he was just a little too short and missed the platform when he finally got up enough momentum to jump.

"Oh no!"

"It happens, Ron."

"Hey, Ronny, why do we say each other's names so much?"

"Well, Ron. I think it's because we'd forget what they are if we didn't remind each other every three seconds."

"But we have the same name…"

"Oh it looks like The Flurry of Dancing Flames is going for it!"

Axel ran along the red beam and jumped up as a top beam passed beneath him. He got to then end and pushed off quickly, landing on his stomach on the tilting-table. Before he could get to his feet it began to tilt, but he hung on until it resituated itself and made it to the finishing platform. "Ha!" Axel pointed at Roxas who was still swimming back to the starting platform.

"He's such an elegant winner, Ronny."

"Indeed."

"Axel, you made it! What do you think the odds are of your partner making it though?" Moogle Schmagner held the microphone out in front of Axel.

"Well, it's Zexion so…"

The scene shifted to show was Zexion was doing: the only one who had yet to attempt to leave the starting platform. Zexion was sitting cross legged in his original position reading something from his lexicon.

"Oh, c'mon!"

"Aw, it looks like your partner isn't very interested in winning anymore. What's that he's reading?"

"Probably something stupid," Axel sulked and leaned back against the background, "He keeps his Nook hidden in there."

"Terrific!"

Xion was now starting to go. She waited until the red beam lined up with the exit obstacles and ran across it like Axel had. When a beam started coming, she dropped to her belly and let it pass over her before jumping up and running the rest of the way. When she got to the end she jumped at the spinning ball obstacle and bounced off of it to the exit platform, smiling and throwing her fists in the air.

"Oh, she's a quick little one isn't she, Ronny?"

"It was a good idea using the ball to propel her to the finishing platform!"

"Xion, what's it like being so adorable?" Lil held out the mike for Xion to answer.

"Fun!"

"She's not _that_ great," Axel grumbled.

Vexen waited another spin to go.

Meanwhile, Roxas had finally reached the starting platform, but was being lifted up by Larxene who was about to throw him back into the water.

"Hey, is that allowed, Ronny?"

"I don't see why not."

Xion jumped up and down, pointing at Roxas's situation. "Interference! That's not fair!"

Roxas kicked and tried to hang on to Larxene's sleeve. Unfortunately, he ended up falling back into the pool, but not before first connecting a kick with Marluxia's face. **(+1)**

Both hosts laughed again.

"Why is this guy so funny?!"

Roxas began climbing the ladder again as Vexen ran across the red beam to the other side. He was lucky enough to not have any beams to jump over, and got to the swing without a problem.

"Oh my Kingdom Hearts! Ronny, it looks like he's going to make it!"

Vexen jumped to the finishing platform, barely making it and having to roll himself completely up and onto it.

"Well, it looks like we have the first of our two teams moving on. Who do you think is going to make it next, Ronny?"

"It's tough to say. With this author it could be anyone's game."

"So, Vexen, have you ever been tempted to talk in a _Dexter's Lab_ voice while experimenting in your lab?" Lil held out the mike.

"What?! That's preposterous! What kind of question is that?! Don't ask me anymore questions!" Vexen quickly retreated behind Lexaeus.

"I think it's about time for another word from our sponsors!"

"We're sponsored?!"

* * *

If you suffer from an addiction to _Kingdom Hearts_, do not panic, there's hope for you.

All you have to do is call this number:

1-800-help-me-I'm-addicted-to-awesome-stuff-and-am-compeletely-broke-from-buying-all-the-consols-to-play-this-amazing-game-and-now-I-need-to-go-out-and-buy-a-PS3-so-I-can-get-Kingdom-Hearts-3-when-it-comes-out-and-play-it-within-24-hours…

.com

Remember, there is hope for you…

Call.

* * *

"Is it just me, or was that commercial even weirder than the last one?"

"Shh! I'm on the phone, Ronny! Yes, hello? I need help with my _Kingdom Hearts_ addiction…"

"Looks like The Graceful Assassin is giving the Dusk-Maker another go!"

Marluxia finally got himself onto a beam and was running towards the center. Unfortunately…

"Hey! He entered on red!" **(+1)**

"I don't think he realizes, Ron."

"Oh, well. Let's see how far he gets anyway."

Marluxia made it to the middle and sat, waiting for the beam to line up with the exiting area. As soon as he sat down; however, a geyser of water erupted from the center, making him scream in surprise and jump up. **(+1)**

"I'm so glad we installed that, Ronny."

"Me too, Ron. Me too."

Marluxia frowned, but was ready when the beam lined up with the finishing platform. He ran to the other side and jumped for the spinning ball. He might have made it too, if it weren't for the beam coming at him from the opposite direction. It made contact with his leg and threw off his alignment so he slipped off the ball and plunged into the water again. **(+1)**

"Ah, well. It wouldn't have counted anyway." **(+1)**

Larxene shouted a string of insults at her downed partner while Zexion shushed her and Roxas ran past her.

"Hey! Looks like The Key of Destiny is back in this!"

Larxene redirected her insults at Roxas as soon as she noticed him. She jumped onto the next beam that came by her and chased after him.

"Oh no! I think The Savage Nymph has got it out for him…"

"Run, Roxas, Run!"

Roxas made it to the center a mere second before Larxene. He jumped over it and kept running out onto the red beam. The geyser shot up as soon as he was over, spraying Larxene in the face and enraging her further. Roxas made it to the end again and this time jumped for the tilting table, barely avoiding being impaled by a set of seven kunai.

"I hope he makes it, Ronny!"

"I have a feeling he'll be dead if he doesn't!"

Larxene took aim with her final kunai while Roxas hung onto the tilting table which was now slowly trying to tip him off. When it rose completely stood at a vertical, Larxene threw the kunai.

"Why isn't this against the rules, Ronny?!"

"We're a fanfiction! Our rules make no sense!"

Just as the kunai was about to connect with Roxas's back, Axel and Xion both leaned over and yanked both of his hands up to pull him the rest of the way to the finishing platform. The kunai embedded itself in the still-tilted-table.

Larxene howled angrily while Roxas and Xion danced around Axel triumphantly.

"Oh man, Ronny! I almost wet my pants for a second there!"

"Were moogles, Ron. We don't wear pants."

"Just like my hero, Donald Duck!"

"Eh… Well, it seems like we have our two teams that will be competing in the Wimpout Zone! The Silent Hero: Lexaeus, The Chilly Academic: Vexen, The Key of Destiny, Roxas, and Number Fourteen, Xion!"

"Why are they called Organization XIII if they have fourteen members?"

"I don't know! Why would you ask me?! Don't ask me anymore questions!"

"Alrighty then! Tune in next week to see who will win the fifty thousand munny! And remember, Marluxia lost which counts as another fail!" **(+1)**

**I referenced a lot of non-related things in this chapter…**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading chapter two! It enjoyed reading you! As always, please review!**

**Yes I know that commercial was really weird. I apologize…**


	3. The Wimpout Zone

**Last chapter!**

**Sorry it took me so long to post. I got distracted by a bunch of stupid stuff and whatevers. :P I won't bore you with my excuses. Enjoy!**

"Welcome back to Wimpout! It's been so long since this author's last update, I'm going to remind you that I'm your host, Ron Schmanderson," Ron Schmanderson said.

"And I'm Celine Dion," Ron Schmenson said.

"No he's not."

"Today," Moogle Schmenson interrupted, "The remaining two teams, Vexen and Lexaeus along with Roxas and Xion, will be competing for the fifty thousand munny in the final round of Wimpout: the Wimpout Zone!"

On cue, the Wimpout Zone appeared on screen. On one end of the zone there was a large canon aimed up into the air. The camera zoomed in to show Xion loaded into that canon.

"Are you sure this is safe?"

"Of course, of course!" Schmanderson laughed then muttered behind his claw to Schmenson, "She signed the waver, right?"

"We have waivers?"

Schmanderson shrugged. "Anyway, that right there is the Launchinator! It will launch our contestants-"

"Oh! I want to introduce this one, Ronny! It will launch our contestants way, waaay up into the lanes between, then-"

"Ron!"

"What?"

Schmanderson face palmed and sighed. "The Launchinator will launch our contestants into the Wimpout Zone where they will have to swim over to the first obstacle."

"Yes, The Drowninator!"

"Is that seriously what it's called?"

Schmenson shrugged. "The Floodinator?"

"How about we just call it the Waterfall?"

The Waterfall came on screen and it was exactly that: a large, slippery slide-like structure sitting on the surface of the water. Gallons of water continuously poured down the slide's slope and rushed into the pool of water below.

"Our contestants will have to swim to this first obstacle and climb up the slope of the Waterfall."

"Fight that current, Ronny!"

"Right, Ron. Only, every ten seconds we will release one thousand gallons of water down the slide's surface."

"There it goes now!"

The Waterfall immediately flooded with a surge of water taller than both of the moogles stacked on top of each other.

"Ooh," they shouted in unison.

"That's going to be tough to avoid," Schmenson said.

"Indeed. Once our contestants make it up to the top of the Waterfall, they must cross the-"

"The Rock Wall of Doom!"

A short rock wall appeared and stretched from the top of the Waterfall to a small platform.

"Whatever. They must cross the rock wall-"

"Of doom!"

"And get to that platform before beginning the second obstacle."

The second obstacle appeared on screen. It was three massive rotating circles held vertically up over the water like giant hamster wheels. They each had two slits on either side of them big enough for a person to fit through.

"The Moogle Wheels," both Rons said simultaneously.

"Fear the wheels!"

"For this obstacle, our contestants will have to enter the first clockwise-spinning wheel through one of the entrances, run or ride across to the other side, and jump to the second, counter-clockwise-spinning wheel."

"It's so _impossible_, Ronny!"

"From there, they will have to get across the third, clockwise-spinning wheel and out to the next platform."

"But it's not over yet!"

"That's right, Ron. From there, the contestants will need to take on the final obstacle-"

"The trash compactor from Monsters Inc!"

"What? Ron, have you been taking your medication?"

"What medication, Ronny?"

Schmanderson sighed. "Never mind. No, not the trash compactor from Monsters Inc. though I think it's safe to say we all enjoyed that scene."

"You could say that again, Ronny. Heh heh... Sully."

"ANYWAY! The final obstacle is The Wonderful Stepping Stones-"

"Of doom!"

"Yes, this obstacle really is called The Wonderful Stepping Stones of Doom."

Here a set of ten rotating discs appeared and formed a bridge from one platform to another.

"Quite a mouthful, isn't it? But Ronny here said we couldn't call them the Rolling Stones so-"

"How about we explain the obstacle before we break out the comedic drum set, okay?"

"Oh, oops. Too late for that, Ronny." Somewhere off camera a distinct bu-dum-dun tch sounded.

"I need a new co-host..."

"What was that, Ronny?"

"I said I need a new co-host."

"Ah, okay just making sure."

Schmanderson cleared his throat. "Anyway, the contestants will need to cross The Wonderful Stepping Stones of Doom and get both feet on the platform on the other side in order to complete the Wimpout Zone."

"And that's it! Easy right? The team with the best combined time will win and take home the fifty thousand munny!"

"Hooray, now let's go wake up Xion so we can get this thing really started."

The camera swiveled back to Xion who had fallen asleep in the Launchinator.

"Aw, the poor kid's been waiting for four pages, Ronny. Let's let her sleep."

"Are you serious-?"

"Psych!"

Xion screamed as she was abruptly fired out of the cannon and into the water.

"Oh I feel terrible, Ronny, simply terrible."

"No, you don't."

Xion swam to the first obstacle and began scrambling up the face of the Waterfall, fighting the water and trying to find a hold in the slide's slippery surface. After a few seconds she seemed to get the hang of it and made it halfway up the Waterfall before being washed back into the pool by the flood of water.

"Ooh! She was so close, Ron."

"Yeah, it's a good thing we care more about watching our contestants suffer than we do about water conservation, isn't that right, Ronny?"

"We can edit that out, can't we?"

Xion scrambled back onto the Waterfall quickly and pulled herself up onto the rock wall just in time to avoid another drenching. She then nimbly picked her way across to the platform and stood facing the next obstacle.

"Wow, she's kinda tough, isn't she, Ronny?"

"She's quick, I'll give her that."

Xion watched the wheels make a rotation before attempting to jump in, the result was an easy dive into the center of the first wheel.

"Oh, she's good so far..."

Next she ran to the other side of the wheel, trying to make it there in time to catch the exit, but she was just a little too slow and ended up in a position where she needed to jump over the exit. She tried, but her legs weren't long enough and Xion ended up falling through the obstacle to the pool water below.

"For shame, Ronny!"

Xion climbed back onto the platform before the second obstacle and tried again. This time, instead of trying to race the wheel to the other side once she got in, Xion hung on tightly to her entry point and rode the wheel around to the other side. She almost lost her grip when the wheel put her directly upside-down but in the end she made it to the exit and jumped into the second wheel.

"Ooh! She's clever!"

"Everyone's clever compared to you, Ron."

"Ha. Ha. Ha."

Xion made it to the third circle in the same way and was able to leap to the platform easily enough from there.

"Amazing!"

"Next up: The Wonderful Stepping Stones of Doom!"

Xion surveyed the stepping stones for a second before trying to step onto the first one. She wobbled a bit and tried to time her step onto the second one, but the one she was on rotated too quickly for her to pull it off. She plummeted into the water and had to start again at the platform.

"Those stones can be so tricky, Ronny!"

"Indeed."

Xion climbed back up and began again. This time, instead of watching and waiting, Xion just charged across the stones in an attempt to reach the other side. Partway across; however, she tripped over a vertical stone and landed on her stomach on top of another stone. She tried to hang onto this one as it spun since she wasn't fast enough to get up before it rotated too far, but she lost her grip once she was upside down and had to start again.

"Aw, tough break."

"Maybe she'll get it this time."

Xion was starting to look pretty tired. She stood with her hands on her knees waiting for the stones to flatten before her. Once they seemed safe enough, she made another dash for the finishing platform, this time picking her feet up and watching for stable places to place each step. When Xion got to the last stone she jumped for the platform, grabbed it by her fingertips, and pulled her torso onto it. When she finally stood and thrust her fists into the air, she had earned a time of eleven minutes and fourteen seconds.

"Hey, that's not bad, Ronny!"

"Well, keep in mind that she is the first to go, Ron."

"True..."

"Let's see what Lil has to say about it. Lil?"

Moogle Schmagner appeared on screen floating next to Xion. She adjusted her wig and spoke into the mike, "Thanks, Rons. Alright so Xion, you seemed to do pretty well out there just now. How do you feel about your score?"

"Well... Lexaeus is pretty good, but I think-"

"Super," Lil interrupted, "Back to you, Rons!"

"Hey, I wasn't-"

The camera snapped back to the Rons before Xion could finish. They both laughed.

"Oh, isn't she just adorable, Ronny?"

"Yes, she is. And on that note, we'll leave you with a word from our sponsors!"

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"That... was..."

"So beautiful!" Schmenson sniffed and wiped a tear from his eye. "All they want is to be loved."

"Uh... huh. Ahem, anyway, we're back with our next contestant ready to launch!"

The camera shifted over to Vexen huddled in the Launchinator. His expression fell somewhere between complete dread and utter terror.

"Are you sure this water's sanitary?" Vexen gulped, "It looks questionable to MEEEEE!" Vexen screamed the end of his sentence as he was launched, limbs flailing, into the pool.

"Oh!" Schmanderson laughed. "Does he know how to wimp out or what?"

"What's a wimp out?"

Vexen overshot the Waterfall by a bit and had to swim back to it, starting the course already a bit behind Xion's time. He climbed up onto the slope of the obstacle and began fighting his way towards the top. He had made it almost a quarter way up when the thousand gallons of water surged towards him, causing him to tumble over backwards back into the pool.

"That's going to cost him some time..."

"Yeah, but it was funny. Let's watch it again!"

The Rons proceeded to replay the footage in various different speeds.

"Look at his feet sticking out of the water!" Schmenson was laughing so hard he was gasping for air.

"I guess it is a little funny," Schmanderson chuckled. "Oh! It looks like the chilly academic is ready for his second attempt."

Vexen had swum back to the Waterfall and was quickly scrambling up the slope. This time, right as he reached the top the torrent was released again and he was forced down over the side of the obstacle into the water.

"It's a good thing this is a team Wimpout, Ronny."

"Indeed. Xion's already got a full minute lead on Vexen and this is the first obstacle!"

Vexen struggled back towards the Waterfall and waited for it to dump another thousand gallons of water before rushing up the slope for the third time. He reached the top with one hand just as another thousand gallons began to surge towards him.

"Oh, no! He's not going to make it, Ronny!"

"Wait I think he-"

"Yes," both moogles cheered at once as Vexen pulled himself up past the torrent of water.

"Thank Hearts we don't have to watch that again!"

"Yes, Ron, but Vexen is just now making his way across the Rock Wall of Doom and he's already at a considerable disadvantage."

"And he looks pretty tired."

"Yes, and there is that... Perhaps he might be able to make up some time at the- Oh no!"

Vexen lost his hold on the rock wall before he reached the platform to the second obstacle, thus starting him again at the beginning of the Waterfall.

Moogle Schmenson ran his claws down his face in exasperation. "Oh... WHY?!"

"I don't think he's _ever_ going to finish this- Oh... What's he doing, Ron?"

Vexen was still in the same spot of the pool that he'd fallen into. He was breathing heavily and waving to the camera. "I quit! I can't keep doing this!"

"Oh, I guess that takes care of that, doesn't it?"

"I'm a mammal."

"Yes you are, Ron. Alright, with Vexen withdrawing from the competition that automatically sets his time at the default penalty time of fifteen minutes. Next up: Roxas!"

Suddenly, the weird air horn sound from _Who Wants to be a Millionaire_ rang out, making both of the moogles jolt.

"WHAT THE HEARTS WAS THAT, RONNY?!"

"I think it means-"

"WE'RE GONNA DIE!"

"No it doesn't! Stop talking in all caps!"

"They're coming to take us away," Schmenson began to sing.

"Cut it out, Ron! It just means we're out of time."

"What?"

"I'm sorry folks, but I guess Roxas is just going to have to go next time. Until then I'm your host, Ron Schmanderson."

"And I'm Ron Schmenson!"

"And this has been another episode of Wimpout!"

"Hey," Xion said as she turned to face Lil Schmagner, "Did they just steal our outro?"

**Aaand cut! There you have it folks: Wimpout Zone part one! I figured I was taking too long to finish this already-massive last chapter, so I'd give you what I have so far. What did you think? Hopefully you're still reading even though I haven't updated in months. (Sorry!)**

**Anyway, I plan to update soon with the official last chapter so please continue to bear with me.**


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